January 14, 2009 at 2:33 am (Uncategorized)
I met him on a Wednesday while chatting online with a group of people I’d never met. The conversations were boring until he came into view. He introduced himself to me and we exchanged numbers a few chats later. After dating off and on for four months, we finally called it quits without actually saying it. One argument of misunderstanding led to the demise of a relationship that had potential. Nothing made me think that this man was the one, but the connection between us was strong that I always questioned what it was about him to hold my attention. Why did I want to be connected to someone that I argued with constantly about nothing. Was it becuase we were so different and stubborn, yet compatible? I don’t know.
I met him on a Wednesday morning after ordering coffee at Dunkin Donuts. The splatter of paint on his face easily told his profession, or maybe his hobby. I asked him was he a painter, he smiled and replied, yes. We had a brief conversation and I said goodbye and left with my donut and coffee. Two weeks later, I had a need for coffee and I went to the same Dunkin Donuts…there he sat in the corner sipping on coffee and eating a sausage sandwich. I didn’t say anything not knowing if he recognized me. He did. Good morning, he said while smiling. I spoke and to my amazement, he says, this is the second time, what’s up? I guess he was trying to say this was suppose to happen, but I quickly let the thought slide. He introduced himself and asked was I involved. I hesitated with my response because the other guy and I had just broken up, or so I thought. No, I said. Can I get your number, he asked. I swear I just told myself to ward off men for awhile , but I told him yes we could talk, so I called his cell phone to give him the number. We talked briefly the next day and it seemed like we were hitting it off even though there wasn’t a physical attraction on my part. I want to feel a physical attraction for a man if I’m going to give my number, but his personality won me over.
We talked a few more times in a few days, until…my ex called. We talked and he expressed not wanting it to be over and neither did I, so we are going to give it a chance. When my other Wednesday guy called, I let him know that my ex called and we were trying to work it out. He was cool with it although he was looking forward to our date this Saturday. I was too, but the connection that I have with my ex is so strong that I couldn’t play both sides. And I didn’t want to lead him on. He said good luck and for me to keep his number. I will not knowing what may happen with my ex. It’s only so much a person can take and I’m not into too much arguing, so we’ll see who will win in the end. Maybe I’ll lose both, but as long as I did the respectful thing and telling both the situation…I feel good.
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January 4, 2009 at 1:46 am (Uncategorized)
Tags: relationships, self-esteem
I have to admit, I got caught up. Caught up in an illusion that I thought was real. He was perfect…perfect to me, so I thought. I met him online…on a site that I’ll leave nameless, that wasn’t specifically for dating. I talked to him briefly through instant messaging and emails. I’m a full-time grad student, I didn’t have time to just sit and chat. He held on and waited for me thinking that I was worth the wait. Classes were almost over when I saw a movie that gave me the feeling that love can pass me by if I continue to put it on hold. This guy was patient and I knew that I didn’t want to lose a possibly good thing. I decided to give in and take a break to finally respond wholeheartedly to his messages.
We talked about a month before actually meeting in a public place. He was so handsome. His height was perfect, he smelled nice and his presence was comfortable. He said ALL the right things. I felt like I knew this man…I needed to know more about him…to know more about becoming his woman. His approach was very direct. He knew what he wanted in a woman and he knew and expressed repeatedly that I was her. I thought that maybe he was right, until…I got to really know him. This man was far from perfect for me. We argued with every conversation and then my conscious interrupted what I thought was real with a reminder that this was not the man for me. I knew I deserved better…but I chose to hang on. FOR WHAT?
I am not the type to deal with ordinary bullshit. I would let things go and not look back for anything, but this man had a hold on me and again I ask, FOR WHAT? I started to think I was desperate to be in love…that I wanted love so badly that I looked at this man as the man I was suppose to love and was supposeto love me back. What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I allow him to talk to me any kind of way? Why did I put up with it? Why after every argument, he would walk away and then call me two days later and I would take him back (five times)? Was I really desperate? Was my self-esteem so low that I accepted the first thing coming? Since I hadn’t been in a relationship in a few years, I have to think that maybe the answer is yes to all my questions. I finally had an awakening conversation with a friend that I cried the truth and that I was so lonely. That may not be enough to really explain my why questions, but that’s the answer that I accepted. I used my answer as my answer to a therapy session. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I needed someone there and I accepted what I was given. Once the realization hit me, being all educated and all 
, I decided enough was enough. It’s only so much a person can take and I finally let it go.
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December 31, 2008 at 5:06 am (Uncategorized)
I have a friend named BOB. He is my companion during those nights and some days of loneliness. He’s one of my closest and most intimate friends. I have developed a relationship with BOB that I never thought I would ever develop. Most times we are together I feel guilty. Not because I’m cheating on a significant other, but I’m giving myself pleasure with an inanimate object. As you may realize, BOB is my Battery Operated Boyfriend.
BOB and I met about 14 years ago on my way to a coworkers party in “Boystown” on the north side of Chicago. On the way, the group of women that I was with decided to dip inside one of the sex stores just to take a look. I’ve always had this fantasy of playing with and owning a “toy”, but felt a sense of embarassment. I walked around excited with all that I saw and was turned on thinking of all that could please me. I was seeing someone at the time, but he wasn’t hitting it like I wanted…I needed a little more attention and more stim-u-lat-tion!
The orange gelatin dildo caught my attention. It was beautiful—veinous and about 7 inches and THICK…with a BOB inside! I would have to eat through the gelatin in order to offically meet him. I purchased him and took him to the party with me to show him off and to everyone’s delight, I gave him a little head and bit the tip off, LOL! The reaction from the men was hilarious. It was time to get BOB home!
My experience with BOB, which I still date every once in awhile, is one that I find amusing but the fact that I need him as a supplement to actual sex disturbs me. I still get a sense of guilt and embarrassment after all these years. I feel like someone is watching me. Is it a valid guilty pleasure or a guilt for sinning?
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May 29, 2008 at 2:59 pm (Uncategorized)
Tags: choices, Interracial dating, love
In the news last week was an accident that happened here in Chicago where a Black man was hit by a car and killed. The news says he was able to survive Iraq for nine months, but unable to survive walking across a busy street. It was like ordinary news until I heard the name, Howard____ from Evanston, IL. I was stunned because I recognized the name. I was introduced to him years ago by a dear friend. The shock came when I saw that he was engaged and she is white. Now don’t get me wrong, interracial couples don’t bother me at all, I don’t care who you love. I say follow your heart. It’s the conversation that I had with that “dear friend” who’s a Black man that’s married to a white woman, about Howard. I said aloud, “what’s up with you Black Evanston men”? I asked my “friend” what was Howard doing on the south side. To my disbelief, he was with his mistress! She wanted something to eat and as he crossed the intersection and driver hit him and ran.
Now my friend was offended when I said it’s OK for him to screw a Black woman, but better to marry a White one. He retaliated with White women have different standards than Black women do. They have better morals, opportunities and they support their men when they are in a struggle. My tone raises two octaves—”how dare you offend me! I thought it was about love and not trying to find a woman to dig you out of the hole you’re in…You da man right?!” I asked how could he be so insulting because he knows that all Black women aren’t uneducated, unsupportive and we all don’t live in ghetto-dwellings, and most of all what makes him believe that they have better morals. He’s said he always knew that if he got married, he wanted to marry better. He wanted his kids to grow up in a diverse neighborhood, in good schools, with opportunuities that would allow them to know the best. He didn’t want them to grow up broke and afaid to walk outside. I’m like, so your telling me that to marry White, and have kids by a White woman makes you and them better? I added, why can’t you find all of that in a Black woman? He said, “I can’t help who I chose to marry”. Not that he couldn’t help whom he chose to fall IN LOVE with, but whom to marry! I was too through. Mind you, he’s dated outside of his race forever. Growing up in a diverse neighborhood, he gives the reason why he thinks that he’s the way he is…his environment. How about Willie Lynch!
The nature vs. nurture controversy has been debated for years and to have him tell me that I was wrong in saying that I don’t beleive that everyone is a product of their environmet was deemed ignorant. He believes that where you grow up and what you see is definitely a reason to cause people to choose who they want to be around, where they want to live and whom they’ll want to marry.
Your thought?
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May 23, 2008 at 3:46 pm (Uncategorized)
Tags: relationships, self-esteem, settling
Since this is my first post, I wanted to start it off with a topic that I see time and time again. My brief opinion is a start and I hope a dialogue will continue to build on other topics that women need to have addressed.
How many times have you had a friend that dated a guy who you personally questioned, “why is she with him?” Or how many times have you asked yourself the question, “why am I with him?” Too many of us are so afraid of being alone that we find ourselves dealing with whatever card we’re dealt and look like fools for the sake of having, keeping, or getting a man.
My upstairs neighbor just can’t seem to get it right. Since I have lived beneathe her (less than a year), she’s had two men yell at her and then she screams, “please don’t go”. What the hell is that about? I mean, why is it necessary to run up behind a man and beg him to not leave? We need to stop giving in, giving up and giving away the energy it takes to make an unhealthy realtionship work. When we settle for less we are telling ourselves we aren’t worth having anything better than what we have.
What’s your thought?
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